This is hard

Wow. It's pretty amazing what a little stress can do to make me totally compulsively overeat. I won't go into details here, but let's just say that I didn't realise how happy and relaxed I was until stress came along again and I felt it all in my stomach. That horrible tension that just makes me shove food in my mouth all day until my stomach hurts and then I shove in some more.

I'm tired of certain things affecting me like that. I lived like that for about 7 years (hence my weight now) and it's amazing what a happy outlook and the removal of stressors can to to make one see life in a whole new light.

But I'm here today to say that I'm not going to let those outside things control my reactions. I'm tired of those certain stressors keeping me fat. I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT.

I hate it.

I CAN control what is allowed to go  in my mouth. And I will. But I will remember to be gentle with myself when I screw up.

Onto another topic.

So, I've been taking both an English and a Maths course at the kids school. It free- yay! In the end I'll get 2 qualifications I don't really need, but I'll have refreshed myself in those subjects. My dilemma is this- It takes up my whole Wednesday and quite frankly, I'm really not enjoying the English class. I REALLY don't like the project we have to do- our coursework, the final draft of which is what we'll be graded on, is writing an essay called My Life. Quite frankly I'm not in a place right now where I want to write about my life and be graded upon how well I write about it. I'm also exhausted by the end of the two classes and therefore don't actually concentrate so well for maths.

The Maths coursework is so weird. I thought we'd be, you know, learning Maths. But the course work for that will result in a sort of project/report. It's more about applying Maths than learning stuff. I've chosen to do my report on Healthy Eating. I can't really even describe what we have to do right now because it's so far out of my realm of experience. But, I like Maths. As long as you enter the right number you always get the right answer. So, I think I'll enjoy what I have to do for the class.

On yet another note- I'm almost done redoing the kitchen! YAY! I think I have one more set of cabinets to paint then it's on to tidying up the old wall (just touching up the spots that got other paint on them and filling in holes) and painting over the ugly tiles at the far end. Finally I'll need to do the accent colour in a few places. I should be totally done by Friday.

I really want to get it done because I've got a meeting on Monday with a chick named AnnMarie who works for a project of Corrymeela. We're going to see if I can do some volunteer admin work for her because I want to get some experience working in a real office doing real admin stuff. I'm really excited about it! With the way my schedule is now I think I can fit in about 6 hours a week, maybe more if I'm so inclined.

Okay, that's all I can think of right now. Baby steps!